For some reason, we decided that Suge White knew what he was talking about.

This would be the last time that ever happened.

I set out from Phoenix toward San Diego… Johnny and Dart were taking a train down from LA, and I headed to Union Station to pick them up. From there we headed down somewhere south of Rosarito to rendezvous with Suge White, who was already down there.  I picked up the boys around 4 p.m. or so, and we headed down I-5.  

Having never been to or through Tijuana before, I was in for a rare treat. In my current-day opinion it is probably one of the shittier parts of Mexico, and I’ve been to a few shitty parts of Mexico, so I speak with some degree of experience.  The drive doesn’t suck, but I wasn’t getting a hummer in the back seat either.  From there, we checked into the hotel and then headed down to meet up with Suge, his sister, and brother-in-law.  They had been camping out on the beach for the previous night.  I wanted to see his sister, as the last time I saw her was before she was married, and she was riding around on my friend Chicken’s back and making out with him at random intervals… the thought of her married was very interesting.

So, the campground was as boring as shitting in the woods, and the company wasn’t anything to really speak for, so the Johnny, Dart, Suge and I headed back up to the hotel.

We got dinner and started pre-drinking in the room, as we had brought probably 10 liters of vodka, gin, and whiskey with us, along with a couple of bottles of Coke, Sprit, and a few Red Bulls.  Once the sun set, we decided to take a cab to avoid the 15 minute walk through town to get to the club district.  We got out at “Papas&Beer”, which is this huge 47,000 sq. ft club that I seen plenty of ads for.  And by ads, I mean photos of topless girls wearing a Papas&Beer bumper-sticker on their tits.  That’s really about all the advertising a club needs as far as I’m concerned.

For some fucking reason there was this huge line that wasn’t moving very fast, but at this point we were already pretty toasted and there were some cute girls in front of us, so we were entertained for the moment.  Once we got in, and paid a ridicules $10 cover charge IN MEXICO we proceeded to the bar, where there were more surprises waiting… $5 beer.  IN MEXICO!  But somehow, after the 3rd or 4th beer, that didn’t matter anymore.  

Why?  Cause the lines had started to form for the bar.  15 minute lines just to get to the bar.  But that didn’t matter either.  Why?  Cause the place was jam packed with drunk people, who continued to yell, holler, and dance while in line for the bar.  And since you don’t pick who your standing next too, this caused some spontaneous dance partnering.  The first cohabitator of the line with me, was an attractive older woman, who looked like she was in her late thirties (at least in my level of drunk).  So we’re standing in line, dancing together.  By dancing I mean she’s grinding her ass into my dick, which was just fine by me.  This continued for a minute or two at which point I realize that we’re so packed into bar, and the lighting is so bad, there’s no way that anyone can see anything going on below our chests.

So taking advantage of the situation, I guide her hand back to the point where she’s rubbing my cock and I reciprocate, putting my hand over her crotch and rubbing her pussy.  While in line to get another beer.  I can’t really think of a better way to past the time while waiting for your turn at the bar that having the girl in front of you rub your dick.  At this point, I’m ok with $5 beer IN MEXICO.

But, after about 10 minutes of this, she mutters something about “needing to get back to find her son” and leaves.  I briefly contemplate that she may have been older that late 30ies, but hey, it’s my turn at the bar!  

Beer in hand, I seek out the next cute girl (hopefully a little younger) and find my way to a rather hidden spot next to the dance area.  I’d say dance floor, but as I remember, the dance area also reached out to the beach parts of the club.  Anyway, I’ve got my camera in hand, and use it to my advantage, taking photos of Johnny, Dart, and any attractive girls that I can as a ice-breaker.  At some point, I meet this cute, young, big-breasted girl, who has some pretty huge tits that are peeking out of a Papas&Beer sticker.  I naturally ask her about why she isn’t just showing them off, and she responds that she’s shy.  Sure.  So after about 5 minutes of talking, I ask if I can rub her breasts to see if the are as soft as they look.  Of course, she says yes and then proceeds to pull even more of them out of her top, so I can get the full effect.  Have I mentioned that I love young, stupid girls?  Well at least when they’re drunk and asking you to touch their tits.

From this point on to when I left the club not much happened.  I somehow lost track of the other 3 guys, but I did see Dart several other times at the club.  He was having a good time, and didn’t look to be getting in that much trouble.  At some point around 3 am, I had run out of cash (due to the $5 beer IN MEXICO), so I walked back to the hotel.  When I got there, I found the door unlocked (thank God, as Dart had my key) and Suge and Johnny asleep, one on each bed.  I pulled out my air mattress, laid it near the door, and passed out.

I was awoken about an hour later by Dart coming in.  It was obvious that he was drunk as fuck, but as he was still in one piece, I didn’t worry too much.  He looked at the two beds for a second, trying to figure out who was in which bed, and picked the spot next to Johnny to lie down and pass-out.  

At this point everything was fine, all four friends are passed out safely in the hotel room… and then all hell broke loose.

I was woken up by Johnny screaming, and screaming curses like a sailor:  “Hey Fuck you!  You piece of shit! Quit pissing on me!”  I looked up, and Dart was standing next to the bed, facing Johnny, pissing on the bed.  When I say standing, I really mean sorta standing, mostly wobbling.  Johnny jumped off the bed to the other side. Dart, in a bit of realization, put his dick back in his shorts and kinda started to say something… but he was so drunk that I couldn’t understand what he was saying.  That didn’t keep Johnny from continuing to yell, mostly about Dart being a drunk and having a small dick.  I can’t vouch for the small dick part, as I was lucky enough not to see anything and, most importantly, not get pissed on.

About two seconds of calmness went by, and then I heard a sound that made me cringe with horror. THWACK!  Johnny, rightly pissed about being pissed on, had picked up one of the half-empty two-liter bottles of Sprite and swung it at Dart.  It connected with the combined force of Johnny’s swing and the additional momentum of the internal contents, slingshotting forward, and almost knocked Dart a foot sideways.  Dart then struck back.  He jumped up on the bed and started swinging, yelling in his drunken dialect that none of us could understand.  Suge had woken up and both of us jumped in between them, but not before each had struck the other with a couple more blows.

Once we really got the apart, I moved Dart into the bathroom, placing him still full clothed in the show, standing up.  Again, not really standing, but wobbling in place. I told him that he needed to shower, and not to come out until he was clean.  Johnny was still spitting fire about being pissed on, and it was all Suge and I could do to keep him from heading into the bathroom and whipping Dart a little more with the Sprite bottle.  At this point, I thought the scene had mellowed out a bit, but Johnny jumped to his feet again and headed over to the other, non-pissed on bed, and poured the remains of the Sprite all over that bed.  I asked what the fuck was that?  His reply was that no way was Dart going to get to sleep in a dry bed tonight, he could either choose a soda soaked bed or a piss soaked bed.

Suge and Johnny headed out to walk off the anger and get some breakfast as I laid back down to try and get some rest.  About 2 hours later, Dart came out of the bathroom, not having showered yet, and felt the need to go to sleep in a bed.  He chose the Sprite bed, but once he laid down and felt the cold and wet sheets, he got up again.  His second choice was the piss bed, where (in his continued drunken stupor) he laid down in his own piss.  And fell asleep.  I started to protest, but did not feel the need to go over and wake him up… after all he made the bed, so he can lie in it.

About 3 hours later, Johnny and Suge came back, still spitting a bit of fire and they started to pack up a bit.  The commotion woke up Dart, who looked around the room for a bit.  Seeing the evil stares that we were all giving back to him, he asked what happened?  He didn’t remember any of it, having blacked out.  This might have been due to the blows he received from Johnny or could have been just the effects of the beer from the night before.  I explained to him that I would tell him everything, but first he had to go a take a shower… just do it and don’t ask any questions.

After the explanation, we decided that night was enough of Mexico for the time being… we headed back to San Diego, where we had dinner and a few beers before going to sleep at Suge’s place.  I drove back to AZ the next day and Johnny and Dart took the train back to LA.

That was the last time I went to Mexico. 

Here’s the pic of the girl with the big tits: